سورة البقرة

Imam Kazim (peace be upon him): Abu Hamza said: I asked the Imam (peace be upon him) about the saying of Allah the Mighty and Majestic: وَلَکِن لاَّ تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا [But do not make a secret promise to them]. He said: [It means that] the man says to the woman: "I promise to meet you at the house of the family of so-and-so," and exposes her to sexual intercourse and has intercourse with her. Allah the Mighty and Majestic says: إِلاَّ أَن تَقُولُواْ قَوْلاً مَّعْرُوفًا [Except that you speak an honorable word], and what is meant by the honorable word is proposing [and contracting marriage] in the correct and lawful manner.

Imam Baqir (peace be upon him) said [regarding] لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا [do not give them a promise in secret]: The meaning is that a man, before the woman's ʿidda (waiting period) has ended, says to her: "I make a secret appointment with you at the house of so-and-so's father, or at the house of such-and-such person, so that we may have intercourse with each other," and they actually have sexual intercourse.

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): Halabi said: I asked the Imam (peace be upon him) about the interpretation of this verse: وَلَکِن لاَّ تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلاَّ أَن تَقُولُواْ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا [But do not give them a promise in secret unless you speak in a lawful manner]. He said: It is that a man, before the woman's ʿidda (waiting period) has ended, says to her: "I make an appointment with you at the house of the family of so-and-so," and his intention is to propose marriage to her. What is meant by this verse: إِلاَّ أَن تَقُولُواْ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا [unless you speak in a lawful manner] is that very act of proposing marriage.

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): Abdullah ibn Sinan narrated from Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): What is meant by sirr (secret) is that a man says [to a woman who is in the ʿidda of her deceased husband]: "Let us make an appointment together at the house of so-and-so," and then asks her that, when her ʿidda ends, she should not get ahead of him [that is, she should not marry anyone other than him]. I said: "Then what is the meaning of this verse: إِلاَّ أَن تَقُولُواْ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا [unless you speak in a lawful manner]?" He said: It is that he seeks something lawful (proposing marriage) without intending to conclude the marriage contract, until the appointed term (of the ʿidda) is complete.

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): Do not speak explicitly to women [who have lost their husbands and are in their waiting period] about marriage and wedlock [rather, speak allusively]. Among [the examples of] secrecy [and speaking by allusion] is that a man says to a woman: "Let so-and-so's house be the place of our appointment."

Imam Baqir (peace be upon him): قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا [a lawful manner] — he said: It means that you should speak a good word.

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا [a lawful manner] — he said: When a man sees the woman, he should say to her: "I am inclined towards you, and I honour women. So do not get ahead of me [and do not marry anyone other than me after your waiting period ends]." And what is meant by sirr (secret) is that in the place where he appoints to meet her, he should not appoint a private meeting [for sexual intercourse].

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): When a woman is in her waiting period [if you intend to marry her], speak a good word to her and draw her towards yourself, and do not say to her: "I will do such-and-such, and I will do such-and-such indecent act with [your] private parts"; and likewise any other unseemly matter.

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): The man says to the woman who is in her waiting period: "O lady! I dearly wish to make you happy, and when your waiting period ends, if Allah wills, you will not slip from my memory. So do not get ahead of me [and do not marry anyone other than me after your waiting period ends]." This should all take place without proceeding to conclude the marriage contract [until her waiting period is complete].

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً [unless you speak in a lawful manner] — meaning it must have witnesses. The lawful speech is that which is witnessed by the woman's guardian and the witnesses. In marriage, so that offspring may be established, lineage verified, and inheritance made binding, the presence of a guardian and witnesses is required.

Ali ibn Ibrahim (may Allah have mercy on him): The man should say [by way of hint] to a woman whose husband has died and who is in her waiting period: "Do not do anything [and rest]" (expressing affection to her by way of allusion), and the man should not speak explicitly with her of marriage or wedlock, for Allah the Mighty and Majestic has forbidden this and forbidden making a secret arrangement regarding marriage, and He said: لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً [But do not give them a promise in secret unless you speak in a lawful manner]. And also among the [blameworthy] instances of secrecy is that the man says to the woman while she is in her waiting period: "Let so-and-so's house be the place of my meeting with you."

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him): It is not proper for a man to propose to a woman during her waiting period. The indirect approach that Allah the Mighty and Majestic has permitted [for the man] is that he speak with good words so that the woman may perceive his intention, and he must not propose to her until the term of the waiting period is fulfilled. ... Abu Ja'far Muhammad ibn Ali (peace be upon him) entered upon Sukayna, the daughter of Hanzala, at a time when the cousin of Hanzala's daughter, who was also her husband, had passed away. After he greeted her, [Abu Ja'far (peace be upon him)] said: "O daughter of Hanzala, how are you?" She said: "May I be your ransom, O son of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family)! I am well." He said: "You know of my kinship with the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) and with Ali (peace be upon him), and of the right that belongs to me in Islam, and of the standing I have among the Arabs." She said: "O Abu Ja'far (peace be upon him)! May Allah forgive you — are you proposing to me during my waiting period?" He said: "I did not do so; rather I informed you of my status and standing." [The Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) also did likewise, in that] the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) entered upon Umm Salama, the daughter of Abu Umayya ibn al-Mughira al-Makhzumi, and this woman, who was the widow of Abu Salama, her cousin, was in her waiting period. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) mentioned to her his status and standing before his Lord [and it went on so long] that the mark of the mat remained on the hand of the Prophet, because he had placed his hand on the mat and leaned and pressed upon it. But that was not a proposal.